Just A Dream
by Power of the Pen12
Summary: On the eve of a big mission, Holly hears Artemis talking in his sleep. These unconscious words reveal more than Holly should know. A/H I'm sorry about the formatting problem. Bear with me.
1. Chapter 1

Holly curled in the oversized bed, her eyes heavy but refusing to close. Sleep never came easily to her, but on the night before the biggest mission of her life, Holly thought her brain would cut her some slack.

Yeah, right.

Artemis's guest room was horribly oversized, even for humans. Holly felt like an ant in the huge bed, watching the creeping shadows on the walls. She checked the clock; 4:00 AM. In just two little hours, she and Artemis would start their journey to Florida where Opal Koboi had last been seen. It made much more sense to just head out the night before, but on such short notice, Foaly would need to pull an all-nighter to gather all the equipment needed to catch Koboi.

So Holly had been sent to Fowl Manor to start planning with Artemis, but actually spending hour after uncomfortable hour locked in the guest room while Artemis tried to explain in hushed tones to his mother who exactly Holly was. Mrs. Fowl had found out about fairies through Opal; not something the LEP had taken lightly. While Holly had listened to the Fowl's conversation, she felt more and more like Artemis's girlfriend whom his parents disapproved of.

"Holly!"

A clear voice pierced the silence that had assaulted Holly's ears for hours. She sat bolt upright, suddenly very awake.

"Holly, please…"

"Artemis?" Holly's voice was cracked from neglect. The Mud Boy's voice echoed down the long corridor, accompanied by low groans.

Holly leapt from the bed and shielded. It would not do to have a sleepy Mr. Fowl find her prowling his corridors.

She crept down to Artemis's room, pushing the door open and wincing as the creak of the hinges filled the air. Artemis was splayed across his bed, his tousled hair framing his deathly white face.

Is he asleep? Holly wondered, drawing closer. She couldn't help but notice how perfect the boy looked. He really had changed since the age of twelve.

Well, duh, she added mentally, but couldn't keep her eyes off Artemis's face.

"Holly," Artemis murmured again, louder this time.

"Shut UP," Holly hissed, closing his door with a creak. "You want to wake up the whole house?"

But he couldn't hear her. Artemis was quite obviously asleep, though he didn't mumble incoherently like other sleep talkers. His voice was sharp and alert; if his eyes hadn't been shut so tightly, Holly would've been sure he was awake.

"I'm so sorry," he spoke again. With a jolt, she realized Artemis was dreaming about her. His brow was creased in concentration; did he plot even in slumber?

"Please, forgive me," Artemis moaned. Holly climbed, catlike, next to the sleeping Mud Boy.

"I do, I do, just shut up," she snapped quietly. But her heart lurched as Artemis spoke next; "I've hurt you. I've hurt you. What have I done?"

"I told you, it's fine," Holly whispered. "Be quiet."

Her voice seemed to relax him. But after a minute, Artemis's face contorted in anguish again. Holly sighed.

"…Can't tell you how much I care," Artemis said clearly. Tears gathered in Holly's eyes, but she wiped them away hastily.

"I know you do," she mumbled. "We have a big mission…"

Holly felt stupid, talking to Artemis while he slept. But for some reason she stayed by his side, anticipating his next outburst.

But Artemis became silent for the next twenty minutes at least. Holly watched his serene features, remembering painfully the way they looked caked with blood and dirt. How she had cried for him, how she had worried… and how foolish her choice had been.

She still remembered Artemis's lips against hers. All her adolescent worries had been lifted from her heart, along with everything else not concerning Artemis. It had felt so right, at the time. But the truth tainted the memory like deep scratches on a glass bowl.

Artemis's hand twitched, reaching for hers. Holly pulled away, not wanting Artemis to suddenly wake and find them like this. But his hand closed over hers, and her fingers became limp.

Holly, shocked, noticed the glittering droplets of water on Artemis's face. He was crying. The urge to wake him from the dream became all but unbearable, but Holly could not move.

"I love you," Artemis said quietly. Holly felt the hot tears fill her eyes again, and did not bother wiping them away.

"Artemis…" Holly whispered, more to herself than to him. He loved her. How? After all they had been through, after all he had done to her and vice versa. Though the discovery should have delighted the elf, it only filled her with a terrible sadness.

His grip tightened on her hand, his other hand reaching for her shoulder and pulling her down on top of him. Holly let a reluctant grin form on her lips as she thought of what would happen if Artemis should wake at this very moment. But he didn't.

"Impossible," Artemis murmured. "Unthinkable. Forbidden. Stupid. Insane."

Holly bit her lip and tried to pull herself from Artemis's arms. Though the position felt wonderful, it was as Artemis had said; Forbidden.

"I don't care," Artemis groaned after a moment. Holly froze, turning her head slowly to look at Artemis. Fear gripped her stomach, and she dug her nails into Artemis's arms, trying to escape.

Artemis brought her closer to him, her head touching his. Holly stopped resisting, letting her tears mingle with Artemis's as they dropped onto his face.

"Please, don't make my mistakes," Holly pleaded, though she knew no ears but her own would hear the words. "It won't work. It can't."

Artemis pressed his lips to hers without restraint. Holly felt the bliss wash over her, and tried feebly to stop it. But soon it overcame her, and she thrived in the moment, letting her lips move with his, freeing her hands from his to touch his face and hair. His lips parted slightly, so she did the same.

All too soon, Artemis's lips became still. His hands dropped to his sides, and his chest rose and felt rhythmically as his breathing evened.

Holly laid her head upon his chest, her shoulders hitching with small sobs. She had never known such happiness, or such bitterness. The worst part was knowing that Artemis wouldn't even remember the night's events; it would all be a dream to him.

Not to Holly.

To Holly, the night was a nightmare; a mindless dream gone wrong. How many nights had she lain awake, fretting over her feelings for Artemis? How perverted she had felt, feeling the unnatural leap in her stomach every time Artemis's face flashed before her eyes. And now she knew he loved her back, which made the whole thing seem creepier still.

Forbidden love was a fickle thing. It was even worse than unrequited love, for then you might move on. But when the love is real yet impossible, the flame lit in your heart for the other may never go out.

"Holly?"

Holly turned so quickly to face Artemis her neck cracked; blue sparks shot out of her fingertips, lighting the room. Artemis was bolt upright, fully awake.

"What's going on? Why are you in my room?"His tone was surprised and a bit icy, and his emotions were composed and calm. Holly couldn't hide the pain in her eyes, but managed to reply.

"I heard you moaning, and came in her to shut you up," she said truthfully. "You might want to try biting a pillow during the night; your family members would thank you."

"Har har," Artemis groaned sarcastically. "Was I really that loud?"

Holly turned away from him again, not able to meet his gaze any longer. "Yes. The sound was tremendous."

Holly felt his hand, tentative and careful, on her shoulder. "Are you all right, Holly?"

"I'm fine," Holly snapped. "As fine as a person can be at four thirty in the morning on the night before a huge mission. Go to bed, Artemis. And I'm serious about the pillow thing."

She tossed a pillow at Artemis's head, and rose to leave. She realized too late that the teasing had sounded more like flirting.

"Are you crying?"

Holly was at the doorway when Artemis spoke again. He sounded shocked.

"No," Holly mumbled, wiping the single tear from her cheek. The boy missed nothing.

"Yes, you are!"Artemis had risen from his bed and crossed the space between them in three paces. "Holly, what did I say?" he asked, half jokingly, half serious.

"In your sleep? Oh, nothing much," Holly said quietly. "Go to bed, Artemis. I haven't slept a wink and if you'll kindly be quiet then I should be able to—,"

"I know I said something," Artemis said gently. "Did I hurt you?"

"You just said my name," Holly told him, taking a step into the hall. "'Holly'. That's all you said."

The little color in Artemis's face disappeared, and for a fraction of a second, his eyes widened. But then he was businesslike Artemis again.

"I see," Artemis said. "I'm sorry I woke you, Holly."

"I'll live," Holly promised. "Recon officers are used to sleep deprivation."

"Really?"

"No, but this one is, spending so much time with you," Holly grinned. Artemis smiled in relief.

"Good night, Holly."

"'Night."

Artemis closed the door, and Holly walked swiftly back to her room, shielded. To a human eye, it would seem drops of water were falling to the carpet one by one from about three feet in the air.

"Love you back," Holly murmured as she slipped into the huge bed, the sheets cold and unfriendly. She curled into a ball and shook with silenced sobs, the unfairness of her situation filling her head. The fresh memory of Artemis's frame under hers made her stomach twist into somersaults. Holly squeezed her eyes shut, trying to clear her mind; if she was lucky, she could sleep for at least an hour before morning.

A small ray of light, lazy and dim, shone through the window; the little beam hit the bed perfectly, traveling in a straight line up Holly's body. It rested on her heart like a final shred of hope.

Holly turned away from the light, and soon the beam faded and she was shrouded in darkness. Sleep finally came, and Holly dreamed restlessly. After mere minutes she spoke, the word sounding slurred and barely coherent.

"Artemis."


	2. Chapter 2

Artemis tossed and turned in his bed, shivering as the cold wind caressed his skin. He felt his very core shiver, and rose to close the open window.

As his fingers touched the window sill, a jagged, rusty nail cut his long, pale middle finger. The wound ran from his fingertip to his knuckle. A single drop of blood slid lazily down his finger.

Artemis concentrated on the spot, imagining blue sparks weaving the cut together. The brilliance of the magic would have chased the spookiness of the night away. It was only ten o'clock, but Artemis felt a terrible weariness overtake him.

The oblivion of sleep was a welcome thought, and Artemis hastily wiped the blood from his finger and slid back into his bed. Shutting down his head was a lengthy process; the thoughts circulating his skull refused to be silenced. Artemis focused all his attention on the soft pillow under his head. Soon his lips fell apart and began breathing in and out easily, in a steady, smooth rhythm. Sleep overcame him, and the world became nothing but a swirl of color.

Artemis, drifting through the whole of his mind, suddenly felt a slender hand on his shoulder. He looked up to find Holly Short's face inches from his own.

In the dream world, faces and shapes never fully form; it is mainly the aura of a person you see (or feel). Holly's features were slightly blurred, but Artemis took no notice.

The elf's hand traveled down his arm, tracing the outline of a bone. She took his hand in hers, and a few blue sparks leapt from her fingertips, healing Artemis's minor wound. The powerful magic sent a horrible greed coursing through Artemis's veins, and he snatched at the fading blueness, letting Holly's hand drop carelessly.

Holly backed away, looking hurt. The mood of the dream changed; it was no longer a warm, fuzzy glow that filled Artemis from head to toe, but a cold, evil, heavy sensation that weighed down on Artemis's heart.

"Holly!" Artemis called, and his voice was slow and warped. Holly shook her head. She no longer looked hurt; the soft, vulnerable look had gone from her eyes, which were now cold and steely.

"Holly, please!" Artemis cried, and if he had been paying attention, he would have noticed all the fantastic colors and scenes around him, but the background wasn't important to the dream, so he didn't see it.

Holly ran, and a garden appeared around them. Artemis, who had not noticed his surroundings before, assumed it had always been there.

Artemis caught Holly around the waist, bringing them both to the ground. The whole scenario seemed funny, and Artemis laughed. But he noticed that Holly's breathing was labored, and her chest was bruised.

"I've hurt you!" he exclaimed. "Oh, what have I done?"

Holly got to her feet, and laid a hand on Artemis's heart.

"Nothing you haven't done before," she said quietly; no sound left her lips, but Artemis knew what she was saying all the same. Dream worlds make no sense.

"Holly," Artemis sighed, and the warmth of her hand on his seemed all too real for a dream. Her eyes were glowing again.

"How can you forgive me?" Artemis asked. "I've done so much…"

"Because I know your heart, and it is golden," Holly said, her words too sweet and poetic. The real Holly would have rolled her eyes and maybe socked him in the arm.

"I can't tell you how much I care," Artemis said.

A voice echoed through the dream, a hissing, cutting voice. "I know you do. We have a mission…"

A mission? The words sent a thousand images pulsing through Artemis's unconscious brain. The wonderful dream with the garden and Holly disappeared for a fraction of a second while memories of pixies and trolls and guns flashed all around Artemis. But then he was back in the garden, and no time had passed.

Artemis grabbed for Holly's hand again. "This can't be, can it?" Artemis asked quietly. "You, me…"

"No," Holly said gravely. And suddenly she was wearing a fine dress; and once again Artemis assumed she had been wearing it all the while.

"I love you," Artemis commented, and the words that Artemis had dreamed of saying so many times felt right; there was no awkwardness, no fear, no anything. And that's when he realized it was all a dream.

"This is a dream!" Artemis shouted, and the words were garbled like he was underwater. Holly looked saddened by the news but not at all surprised. Of course, she was just a figment of Artemis's imagination.

Artemis could feel a tugging at his subconscious and he knew it was almost time for him to wake up. The world was all becoming dim, and he ran to Holly, running fingers through her hair and down her arms without really feeling them.

"I know it's impossible," Artemis murmured. "It's stupid."

And he continued to rattle off why the relationship couldn't last until Holly put a finger against Artemis's lips.

"You'll leave soon," she told him, "so why fret now? Sure, it's impossible. We're two different species and I'll be damned if we haven't fought on every occasion we've met, but—"

"I don't care," Artemis groaned, and pulled Holly close to him. Their lips met, and it all seemed so real; she seemed reluctant at first, just like he had always imagined; but then she kissed him back with a passion.

Artemis felt himself waking; but he couldn't be completely awake because Holly's lips were still glued to his. He kissed her deeply, savoring the moment. For he knew it couldn't last.

Artemis's tongue traced Holly's lower lip, and he was amazed by how real and wonderful it felt. Soon he would wake and it would all be gone, and the pain would return to his heart. Holly wouldn't know his feelings, and every second spent with her was a wonderful and terrible one.

Artemis awoke to find that Holly's lips were still against his own, his hands gripping her arms. In a second he realized it hadn't been a dream; or, at least, the last part hadn't. Had he attacked Holly in her sleep? How could their friendship survive this? He was a fool. Horrible fear sneaked into his chest.

A crystal thought occurred to him in his post-sleep state; feigning sleep would make the entire scenario a dream to Holly; though she would know how he felt, which was horrible enough, some of the night's actions could be reversed.

As much as it pained him to do so, Artemis let his arms fall to his sides, let his lips become still. Holly's weight soon left him, and he fought the urge to call her back. The drowsiness of sleep had not yet left him, and the only true thought in his mind was, _Holly, Holly, Holly_.

After a moment his mind focused and he was himself again. He spotted Holly's curled form on the end of his bed, and her beauty was stunning. This Holly beat the proper, perfect thing in his dream; her flaws made her who she was.

"Holly?"  
He called her name, savoring the sound of the word as it rolled off his tongue. She turned swiftly, surprised; blue sparks flew from her fingers, and Artemis let a small sigh escape his mouth at the beauty of the magic. The light illuminated Holly's face; tears sparkled on her cheeks, and with a jolt Artemis realized she was crying over him. He had practically molested her.

He felt the drying tears on his own face, and hot shame filled his stomach. Holly had seen him cry.

"What's going on? Why are you in my room?" he asked, hoping Holly wouldn't see through his performance. His voice had an unwanted edge to it; he sounded almost angry. Luckily, she seemed too flustered to notice such small things.

"I heard you moaning, and came in her to shut you up," she said. "You might want to try biting a pillow during the night; your family members would thank you."

"Har har," Artemis muttered, resenting the increase in his heartbeat as Holly teased him lightly. Every word from her mouth excited him. "Was I really that loud?"

Holly turned away from him, looking very fragile. "Yes. The sound was tremendous."

Artemis placed a hand on her shoulder, feeling the unnatural warmth spread through his body at the touch. Her small shoulder bone relaxed under his fingers, and Artemis pictured gripping both her shoulders while gluing his mouth to hers, pictured the mindless elation that would overtake him…

"Are you all right, Holly?" Artemis croaked, feeling a sweat break out on the nape of his neck.

"I'm fine," Holly snapped. "As fine as a person can be at four thirty in the morning on the night before a huge mission. Go to bed, Artemis. And I'm serious about the pillow thing."

She tossed a pillow at Artemis's head and rose to leave. Artemis delighted in the playful teasing; it reminded him of the innocent times when puberty was an unknown experience, and Captain Holly Short was just a friend… of course, she had always been more than that.

Holly was at the door, and Artemis felt like screaming at her to come back. She couldn't leave; the thought terrified him. So he blurted out the first thing that came to mind; "Are you crying?"

It had the desired effect. Holly stopped in the doorway, hastily wiping a fresh tear from her cheek.

"No."

"Yes, you are!" Artemis exclaimed, jumping up from his bed gratefully. Holly's mismatched eyes gleamed in the darkness, and Artemis was momentarily unnerved by the power she had over him. He was by her side now, and longed to stroke her hair and wipe away any residual tears and tell her that he was sorry.

"Holly, what did I say?" he asked, not fully wanting to know.

"In your sleep? Oh, nothing much," Holly said quietly. "Go to bed, Artemis. I haven't slept a wink and if you'll kindly be quiet then I should be able to—,"

"I know I said something," Artemis said gently. "Did I hurt you?" _Oh god, please say no.__  
_ "You just said my name," Holly told him, taking a step into the hall. "'Holly'. That's all you said."

Artemis felt the color leave his face. Holly could never lie to him; he noticed the way she glanced downwards for a fraction of a second before speaking, meaning a lie was forming in her mind. Had he moaned all he darkest desires to the girl he loved the most? His emotions were wild and untamed on his face. Artemis quickly fixed this, and his expression was unreadable.

"I see," Artemis said. "I'm sorry I woke you, Holly."

"I'll live," Holly promised. "Recon officers are used to sleep deprivation."

"Really?"

"No, but this one is, spending so much time with you," Holly grinned. Artemis smiled, but it was forced; it was this dry humor that kept his stomach flipping in somersaults at three in the morning.

"Good night, Holly."

"'Night."

Artemis closed the door and sank to the carpet, a single tear rolling down his face. There had been small red marks on Holly's arms; had he scratched her? Bitten her? Who knew?

Artemis forced himself to his bed, the hot embarrassment in his veins solidifying into a heavy weight that rested on his stomach like a thousand tons. She had kissed him back; what did this mean? Had she simply been trying to get away from the abuse of a hormone-driven human, or did she return his feelings? Either way no one won; it could never be, only in dreams.

Artemis did not sleep until the crack of dawn; he fell into unconsciousness at his desk, his face landing with a soft thud onto his notebook. The pen dropped from his hand, smashing upon the floor and staining the carpet with blood red ink. Poems filled the notebook, all concerning a certain elf. A simple poem lay under Artemis's sleeping head, and it went like this:

Want, need, desire

Things my heart never held

Until she came in the form of a hostage

Into my life, into my soul

Teasing, taunting, just out of reach.

How cruel that these emotions,

So pure and good

Are resented by the one who holds them

For they only bring pain in the nastiest form.

Heartache I could do without,

But to leave the pain is to leave her

Something I cannot do.

Slowly she is killing me

Yet filling me with unknown life.

This half life/half death

Is pain and pleasure

Hot and cold

And incredibly tiring.

But how to end it?

To end this is to end all things.

To end us is to end the little shred of hope I still clutch

To my torn heart.

So I continue

Neither living nor dead.

Artemis never finished the poem, and the next day, it was torn from his notebook and crumpled into his wastebasket. Unconsciously, at the top of the paper, Artemis had scrawled in his sleep the same sentence at least a hundred times:

Amor est potestas. Love is power.

Amor est potestas. Love is power.

Amor est potestas. Love is power.


	3. Chapter 3

Butler stepped tentatively into Artemis's room. His stomach churned furiously, warning him of the day's dangers. But he knew this mission might be his last; Opal Koboi battled mostly with her wits, and that was Artemis's department.

He pulled apart the curtains, letting the room flood with light. He then noticed that Artemis's bed was cold and empty; the sheets were mussed and tossed about frantically. Butler glanced at his feet to find a large red stain on the carpet; it glistened still.

An empty bed. Blood on the carpet. Master Artemis nowhere in sight.

Butler's breath came in short gasps. He turned wildly to face the room, only to find the one and only Artemis Fowl, splayed across his desk. His face was oddly distorted; his cheek pressed upon the wood, pulling back his lip to reveal white teeth. A broken pen lay at Butler's feet, its red ink still oozing from the shattered and delicate glass.

Butler smiled, and leaned forward to wake Artemis. As soon as his fingers grazed Artemis's shoulder, the young boy shot upright, his eyes wide and horrorstruck.

"Holly!" he screamed, his voice cutting through the sleepy, warm morning air. Butler stumbled backward.

Artemis looked quite confused; for a moment, he glanced about his room, his eyes lingering on the space just next to his door, as though looking for a nonexistent figure. Finally, his pupils focused and he rose from his desk.

"Butler," he said briskly. "What time is it?"

"Six, Artemis," Butler responded automatically. He mentally cursed himself for the octave jump in his voice.

Artemis smoothed his hair, and glanced down at the desk where he had been sleeping. His eyes traced a notebook page, and his mouth slowly fell open. He tore the page from the book, tossing it into the wastebasket. He walked to his dresser, pulling out a suit and a few gadgets. His eyes met Butler's, who hastily looked away.

"Is there something wrong, old friend?" asked Artemis, who seemed pretty wired himself. Butler didn't usually nose into Artemis's business, but the question left his lips before he could stop it.

"What were you dreaming about, Artemis?"  
Artemis's eyebrows shot up, and a dry laugh escaped his mouth, riding on a breath. "Did I say something?"

"Just one word: 'Holly'," Butler admitted. Artemis half laughed, half groaned, pushing raven black hair off his forehead with tense, curled fingers. He sank onto the bed, clutching the sheets.

"I must have had a dream," Artemis murmured, his voice quite dreamy and foreign. There was a forced calm layered over his emotions. "Yes, that must be it. A nightmare, no doubt."

Butler stared blankly at his young master. Artemis seemed unhinged; something had rattled him. It must be more than a dream, Butler thought; no dream could disturb Artemis Fowl this much.

"Would you wake Holly?" Butler asked. Artemis's head shot upward, his eyes defensive.

"Why?" Artemis snapped. "Why can't you do it?"

Butler was taken aback. He could not answer for a moment, but when he found his voice, he murmured, "Of course I can, Artemis. I just have a lot on my hands right now, what with waking you and gathering all necessary equipment, preparing luggage for all of us, and providing an excuse to your father and the twins…"

Butler's voice petered out. Artemis looked as though he had aged ten years in his sleep; his eyes were saddened and troubled, his lips were pursed in thought. His face looked a tad stretched; each feature looked almost uncomfortable where it sat.

"I'm sorry," Artemis sighed. "Truly, I am. I just had a very long night… or should I say a short night? I must not have slept even three hours. I'll wake Holly, my friend. Go about your business."

Artemis left the room with his head slightly bent, his shoulders sagging, and his eyes focused firmly on the floor. He looks like a soldier heading into war, Butler thought absently. Not at all like a boy should look when simply waking one of his best friends.

Butler carefully packed a suitcase for Artemis, full of different equipment and clothing. It did not take very long. With the suitcase in hand, Butler strode for the door.

As he did so, his eyes strayed about the room, as eyes do; and soon, his pair found the almost empty wastebasket next to Artemis's desk. The paper that Artemis had so hurriedly crushed and removed from sight peeked out at Butler, tantalizingly crumpled and secretive.

Butler's body jerked oddly as he made to keep moving across the room, yet his head did not cooperate. The paper fluttered gently, though there was no breeze; a corner flipped up to revealing a single fragment of a sentence; 'Into my life, into my soul.'

It sounded like a poem. Butler yearned to untangle the paper from itself, forcing it to show its forbidden contents; but he would never intrude on something so personal in Artemis's life. Would he?

It was stupid, really. It was just a single paper. Artemis scribbled notes to himself all the time; it must just be another sheet he did not need anymore. Though the boy's expression as he tore the paper from the notebook had been so intriguing; he looked terrified, as though if another soul were to lay eyes on the paper it was devastate him. Of course, this made Butler want to read the material even more.

A good three minutes passed, though it felt like longer. Butler's hand strayed devilishly outwards, stretching towards the basket; finally, Butler decided it must be nothing of great importance, and he would return the sheet to its original place before Artemis came back with the newly awakened Holly.

Butler snatched the paper from the basket quickly, glancing nervously around him as he did so, as though the butterflies fluttering near the window would report his actions to Artemis. He smoothed the paper on the desk, bending awkwardly to reach the wood. His eyes swallowed the contents of the paper greedily, the eyelids opening further with each line.

The poem read:

Want, need, desire

Things my heart never held

Until she came in the form of a hostage

Into my life, into my soul

Teasing, taunting, just out of reach.

How cruel that these emotions,

So pure and good

Are resented by the one who holds them

For they only bring pain in the nastiest form.

Heartache I could do without,

But to leave the pain is to leave her

Something I cannot do.

Slowly she is killing me

Yet filling me with unknown life.

This half life/half death

Is pain and pleasure

Hot and cold

And incredibly tiring.

But how to end it?

To end this is to end all things.

To end us is to end the little shred of hope I still clutch

To my torn heart.

So I continue

Neither living nor dead.

And all over the page were the words: Amor est potestas. Love is power. These letters were scrawled untidily, not at all like Artemis's normal handwriting.

Butler was in shock. 'In the form of a hostage'? That had to mean Holly. The poem was about Holly. You could hear the _click_ as Butler's brain made sense of Artemis's odd actions, connecting the dots.

Artemis had awoken screaming Holly's name. He had been unfocused and nervous, unlike his usual self; he had fallen asleep at his desk writing a forbidden love poem to one Holly Short. And Artemis had been more than reluctant to enter Holly's room as she slept.

Artemis loved her. It had to be.

Many emotions battled for Butler's attention inside his heart; joy expanded within him like a balloon, happy for the unlikely couple; but the balloon was soon popped by a pin made of sadness. The two could never be, that much was certain. Two conflicting species with such different personalities; the relationship would be hell. It already was, yet heaven as well. Anger flitted quickly across Butler's heart, dancing here and there, fading out of sight at times but always returning; the cause of the anger was unknown, but Butler did feel a tiny bit of resentment towards Holly for causing Master Artemis any pain. A thousand other emotions slowly, quietly, and carefully played around Butler's mind, until they all bubbled down into good old disbelief.

Butler realized he had clutched the paper so tightly, it had ripped in places; half of the poem was undistinguishable. No matter, he reassured himself nervously; Artemis meant for no one to see it in the first place. Guilt throbbed in his stomach at the thought.

Butler let the paper fall back into the wastebasket, clearing his throat and walking out the door as though his eyes were not soiled with the memory of an image he never should have seen. His face burning slightly, Butler went to fetch his young master and his secret love before they could demolish each other's hearts any further.

***Pant pant* Need… comments!**


	4. Chapter 4

**READ THE OTHER THREE FIRST. It goes like this;**

**1. Just A Dream.**

**2. I Dream Only Of You.**

**3. Never, In all My Wildest Dreams**

**Okay? Okay. Good. In this installment, Artemis goes to wake Holly for their big mission; and finds her dreaming about none other than himself. A relatively short chapter; next one coming soon. Enjoy.**

Artemis pushed the door open, the slightly ominous scent of the chemically cleaned guest room mixing with the irresistible perfume of Holly (perhaps the scent came from her shampoo, perhaps her skin just emanated an entrancing fume, I do not know) filling his nose. His shivered; the room was quite cold.

And there she lay, in all her glory, curled upon the bed, looking like a doll in the vast room. Her brow was furrowed, though instead of looking serous, she looked merely comical; her mouth moved soundlessly, her lips puckered slightly, looking like a child trying to imitate their parent.

"Holly?" Ah, how he loved the feel of her name on his tongue. She twitched in her sleep, and gave an odd groan, the note wavering. Artemis felt an odd desire to laugh, but bit back the sound.

Artemis crossed the room slowly, never taking his eyes off Holly. The result of this was his tripping on his own feet, and just catching himself on the edge of the bed to keep himself from plummeting to the ground. His hands dragged the blankets off the sleeping elf; her arms clutched at herself, her nails biting into her arms. She shivered once, the movement rocking her entire form. Artemis quickly replaced the blanket, pulling it over

Holly's body; her hands still bore red markings, no doubt scratched upon her skin by his nails. He stopped for a moment of self loathing before returning to lovingly tucking in the childlike elf.

After a moment, Artemis realized he had to wake Holly from her slumber, not help her caringly deeper into her own mind. He gently pressed a hand to her arm, but the movement was not so like a poke, but like a caress. Her arms were bare, and the flawless skin seemed to glow in the early morning light. Holly smiled slightly in her sleep.

"Wake up, Holly," Artemis whispered. Then, as soon as he was sure she was asleep, he added, "Wake up and forgive me. Please. I'm so very, very sorry."

She did not move. Artemis tentatively climbed further onto the bed, realizing they were in the same positions they had been in mere hours ago, though the roles were switched.

Artemis placed a hand on Holly's arm again, shaking her slightly.

"We need to go," Artemis murmured. "Wake up."

Finally, Holly reacted to Artemis's actions; she twisted away from his hand, her eyelids closed tightly over her eyes. Artemis followed her almost obediently, climbing not so nimbly over the large bed.

Artemis suddenly realized he did not want Holly to wake; if she did, it would be awkward and unpleasant, instead of terribly calming and lovely like it was now. Though seeing her sent an icy knife ripping Artemis's heart apart, it also filled him up with a warm, content feeling, causing a small fire to erupt in his stomach. But the mission, destroying Opal Koboi, was more important than his own comfort. Wasn't it?

Yes, it was, Artemis reminded himself sternly. Sighing quietly, Artemis bent over Holly's petite frame, placing each hand on her shoulders. He shook them none so gently, so that

Holly's eyes flickered open. She couldn't have been fully awake; her movements were sluggish, as though she was moving through water, or perhaps molasses.

The next minute was the best and worst of Artemis Fowl's life. I don't think my description will do it justice; I shall do my best.

Holly's arms suddenly weaved around Artemis's neck, her hands clasping in Artemis's hair. She hoisted herself half upright, sort of hanging off Artemis like a monkey.

Artemis's breath became shallow; he reached behind his head, trying to pull Holly's hands away.

Holly's forehead knocked against his, and Artemis felt the fire in his stomach slowly burn. Her breath, still calm and even, was hot on Artemis's face. She was too close, too wonderful, too beautiful. Was she dreaming? Artemis couldn't tell.

"Wake up, Holly!" Artemis said through gritted teeth. His hands found her shoulders, pushing her off of him; but she frowned in her sleep and clung to him tighter. His arms encircled her waist; he could not help it, could not stop. He wanted to hug her like this forever, and to never, ever let her go on another mission, to never get hurt, to never leave him. And, with a pang, he realized that it was possible to keep her here; all he had to do was look her in the eye and ask for it to be so.

And then Holly's lips found his. Artemis's heart stopped; he felt a sort of coldness fill him up inside, unlike the warmth he had felt mere minutes ago. He clutched her tighter, though it felt like cheating. Her hands moved through his hair, and every twitch of her fingers relaxed him. He kissed her back, his lips more urgent than hers; her mouth opened slightly, so he mirrored her actions. It was invigorating, and he felt a sort of triumph roar inside of him. He touched her hair roughly, sliding his fingers along her face, memorizing the sharp features he wanted to remember forever.

And, suddenly, it stopped. Holly froze; Artemis heard a sharp intake of breath, and saw with horror that Holly's eyes were now completely open, and she was obviously awake. There were fresh red marks on her arms, and Artemis felt a terrible sinking feeling, felt like his heart was slowly melting into nothingness.

The tension was thick and heavy in the room. Realization would come later; all that the two felt right now was cold, terrible astonishment. Neither partner moved; Artemis's arms were wrapped around Holly's waist, and hers around his neck. Artemis was horrified to see tears slowly gathering in Holly's mismatched, shining eyes. She opened her mouth, her lips trembling slightly as she did so, and then—

The door opened with a bang, flooding the room with florescent light. A hulking figure entered, uninvited, unwanted; Butler. His eyes drank in the scene before him, and slowly his features twisted with rage. Holly looked positively terrified. Ice was filling Artemis's veins, yet he did not release Holly as she struggled to untangle herself from his arms.

"Get up!" Butler shouted, glaring at Holly, who, now fully awake, glared right back. "We have work to do!"

"Let go," Holly hissed, pushing harder on Artemis's chest. He let his arms fall limp, stunned at Butler's reaction; sure, it was unexpected, but why was he only glaring at Holly, and not him?

Artemis cast Holly a pleading look, and whispered, "I can explain, I can explain everything"—

"I don't want to hear it," Holly interrupted, a sob choking off her words. "Butler's right. We have work to do."

"Get dressed," Butler growled at the pair of them. Artemis leapt from the bed, his mangled heart howling at him to return, to beg for Holly's forgiveness. But he left without another word, Butler's almost reassuring hand clamped tightly on his shoulder.

He glanced back desperately as he stepped through the doorway, and saw Holly bury her face in her hands, shaking her head slowly. When she raised her head again, her eyes shone with pain and determination. That's my girl, Artemis thought sadly.

Butler led him forcefully to his room, slamming the door behind him as he entered. Butler was practically snarling; Artemis recoiled onto his bed, a bit of fright clamoring up his throat.

"That little…" Butler muttered, unable to complete his sentence.

"Butler, who are you talking about?" Artemis asked timidly. "I know what you saw in there was… a bit odd, but I see no reason to be angry."

"Well, I see every reason to be angry, Artemis," Butler growled. "I've seen what that girl does to you. I've never seen you like this before. She's messing with your mind."

"Who? Holly? No, Butler, you've got it all wrong," Artemis tried to explain, frustration now the dominant feeling settling in his chest. "Last night I was talking in my sleep, and she came in my room to stop the noise. Things got a bit out of hand…"

Artemis trailed off, the memories of the previous night painfully vivid. Butler took his silence completely wrong.

"A bit out of hand?" Butler barked. "I think I might just have a little chat with our good friend Holly Short."

He actually turned to storm out of the bedroom. Artemis gave a small laugh of frustration.

"No, Butler, nothing like that! I… attacked her in my sleep."

The words brought tears to Artemis's eyes, the hot shame once again bubbling in his stomach. Butler's jaw dropped in surprise, and his eyes were low and sheepish.

"How do you explain that, then?" Butler asked quietly. "What I saw in there?"

"I can't," Artemis said in a strangled voice. "She was the one to… It all went so wrong… And now I fear she's gone from my life forever."

He was voicing all his muted thoughts. Butler blew out a long breath.

"Get dressed, Artemis," he said. "Be ready to go in fifteen minutes."

And he left without a glance backward. Artemis pulled on a suit with shaking hands, wishing he could melt into the floor and never face Holly again. He smoothed his hair with nervous fingers (though probably just mussing it worse) and left the room silently, his eyes fixed blankly ahead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Though, as I've said before, this is NOT MY BEST WORK, I'm very fond of this fic. It was a huge hit on the AF fan website, and I had a blast writing it. This was the last chapter I wrote before moving on to other fandoms, but because you guys seem to like it too, I'll try to finish it up.**

**I'll finish it faster if you review. Or tell your friends. Or both. And more. X3**

The three of them piled into the waiting jet; Butler had 'borrowed' the small aircraft for the weekend from a friend. Holly was curled in the small backseat, feigning sleep. Usually Butler would've awoken her, but he too noticed her tense stance, and the way her eyelids flickered nervously.

They sat for hours, flying at a dangerously fast speed. Some LEP elves had equipped the engine with all sorts of semi legal gear; they were in the United States in practically no time at all.

Suddenly, a small hand gripped Artemis's shoulder; he inhaled sharply as he realized the hand was Holly's. He turned to face her; Holly's features were determinedly casual. Artemis stared at her blankly for a minute, silently panicking in pure dumb misunderstanding, before she rolled her eyes and gave him a small smile, shaking the hand clamped tightly on his shoulder.

Something rustled in her palm. Artemis realized she was clutching a piece of paper, and expected him to take it. His face flushed with color, and Holly gave a small laugh that she passed off as a cough.

Artemis took the paper quickly, and Holly withdrew her hand and acted as though nothing had happened. The note in his palm unfurled, and it read:

Artemis,

Yeah, we were both idiots (mainly you). But if I don't come back from this mission, know that it's all right. It was innocent. A mistake. I don't want to die mad at you. Sorry about this morning. I don't know what I was thinking (dreaming). Can we just forget about it?

Artemis took a few deep, calming breaths; it was the best he could've hoped for. Or was it?

Artemis scribbled a neat letter on the back of Holly's paper quite loudly; it was unnecessary for him to try to casually hand the note back to Holly as nonchalantly as she had. Holly sighed, slapped the back of his head gently, and took the note. Artemis grinned.

His note had said the following:

Holly,

I appreciate the second chance. It's more than I deserve. But I do not want to forget about it. If there is a true chance one of us may not return from this mission, then I'm not going to spend my last few days in denial.

I dreamt of you last night, like I have many nights before. Suppressing feelings has become a specialty of mine, but in unconsciousness, I can't hide a thing. I wish with all my heart that you had never entered my room; we might have been conversing normally right now, instead of passing notes like schoolchildren. But you did enter my room, and now you know. I care about you. And, if I'm not mistaken (I rarely am), you care about me. Why make our relationship pointedly more awkward by forgetting these facts?

He heard Holly exhale softly, and worry churned in his stomach. Had he laid it on a bit thick? Would she be scared away? He had only told the truth… or had he? What if she hadn't been dreaming of him at all? What if Trouble Kelp or someone like him inhabited her thoughts, and when she awoke the night before with her mouth to his, it had truly been a nightmare come alive?

Holly's hand tapped his shoulder soon, a fresh sheet of paper clutched in her fist. Artemis took the note without comment. His heart pounded uncomfortably, and he smoothed the new paper somewhat shakily against his leg.

Artemis,

…Wow. What else can I say? Your response was not exactly what I expected to hear. I expected you to forget last night gratefully, suppress the memories until they might've been possibilities, daydreams… but you care. Actually care.

That scares me. You don't know how much.

Okay, Artemis. So we'll just forgive, and won't forget. So what are we now? A couple? A human and an elf? Oh, and I think our relationship will be awkward no matter what we are; sworn enemies, grudging partners, friends, or… more. But you have to understand, if we survive this mission, which is unlikely in itself, this can't last, and won't. 

His heart soared into his throat, and he sat there for minutes, not saying a thing. They had time, however short, to be together in whatever sense they wished. Finally he remembered where he was and how short time was, and scribbled a response on the back of Holly's.

Holly,

I'd say we're… what did Juliet call it…an item. We'll be everything at once; enemies at times, partners in the battlefield, friends whenever we can be, and more, if that is possible for us. It can't last, I understand that. But for the time being, it _is_, and that's what matters. 

But as Artemis held back a hand to pass the paper to Holly, a larger, calloused hand snatched it away from him. Both human and elf looked up, horrified, to see Butler pinching the paper between forefinger and thumb. He was grinning, though his eyes were grim.

"You like her, she likes you, it can't last, but nothing can. The classic overdramatic love story. Just get it over with and stop all the note passing, will you?"

Holly rolled her eyes, and spoke for the first time in hours. "Sorry, Butler. You know us. Nothing can be simple."

Butler crumpled the note between his fingers, opened a window a crack, and flicked it into the roaring air; both partners roared in surprise and anger, but Butler smiled.

"Make it simple, Holly. It'll last a lot longer if you start now and stop all this stupid note stuff. Besides, I feel like I've been transported back to the sixth grade, and you're both annoying the hell out of me."

He gave Artemis a meaningful look, who, blushing, climbed into the backseat with Holly. She turned questioning eyes on him.

"So, what did that note say?" she demanded. "The one Butler chucked out the window?"

She said the last part extra loud so Butler could hear. The manservant just laughed, a deep, rumbling growl.

Artemis gathered up all his courage, and took Holly's hand in his. "It said something like this," he told her firmly, blocking out the screaming protests coming from the sensible part of his oversized brain, and kissed her without a second thought.

It was how their first kiss should have been; both participants awkward and shy yet willing, fumbling nervously, trying to express just how much they cared. Butler cleared his throat loudly, but Holly whacked him in the head with her foot; he barely felt it, but the meaning was clear: _Shut up, Butler, don't you dare ruin this._

When they broke apart, Artemis stumbled backwards, a bit punch drunk. Holly sort of chased him, moving as he did, like magnets.

"Is that really what your note said?" she asked a sad smile on her face. Artemis frowned, not sure why she should be sad now; when he looked closer her mouth seemed to be pressed together tightly, as though to keep from crying. Her knuckles were white against her chestnut hands; her fingers were clenched tight together. But he never was very good with emotions, and her eyes were wide and happy, a thin sheen of liquid coating the mismatched irises, beaming at him.

"Yeah, something like that," Artemis murmured, grinning. "I think I said it all just now."

"You know, I had a response all planned out," Holly pouted, biting her lip, "but now you'll never read it!"

"Show me," Artemis suggested, realizing with an electric shock that he was flirting with Holly, and she was flirting right back.

So she did. And all thought that had nothing to with lips and hands and hearts was quickly banished to the outskirts of Artemis's mind, where it belonged.


End file.
